First of all MAKE SURE you check out my links page, it has the voice records on it, they are hilarious.
1) A guy finally gets a date with an easy blonde. to prepare for the date he sunbathes in the nude on his roof, falls asleep and burns his manhood. He doesn't want to cancel so he slathers it with lotion and wraps it in gauze. the blonde shows up at his house, and he treats her to a home cooked meal. Afterwards they go to the living room and watch a movie. His manhood starts to bother him again so he excuses himself, goes to the kitchen, pours a glass of milk,and immerses himself for immediate relief . the blonde, however, wanted to know what he was doing and walks in on him with his johnson in the milk and exclaims, " So thats how you guys load those things!"
this is the link to my voice files, There is a zip file in there containing a program called purevoice. you must install this program to be able to play these files because they were recorded on my cellphone and I can't seem to figure out how to convert them into mp3 files. Dont worry all my files are guaranteed virus free, I have checked them all. If you have a trust problem you can check them yourself before you download. anyway here's that link http://www.mediafire.com/?sharekey=419d2397e6fd0bd0c79b87b207592a1c4a616064a72ba3ddf1940a51b339e393
Friday, April 23, 2010
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Funny things 2
There was a construction worker on the 3rd floor of an unfinished building. He needed a hand saw, but he was too lazy to go down and get it himself, so he tried to call his fellow worker on the ground to get it for him, but the guy couldn't understand a word he was saying.
First he pointed at his eyes(meaning "I") then he pointed at his knees (meaning need) and he moved his hand back and forth describing the motion of a handsaw. Finally the guy on the ground started nodding his head like he understood and dropped his pants and started to jerk off. The guy on the third floor got pissed off and ran down to the ground and started yelling at this guy "you idiot, I was trying to tell you I needed a handsaw." The other guy replied, "I know, I was trying to tell you that I was coming!"
First he pointed at his eyes(meaning "I") then he pointed at his knees (meaning need) and he moved his hand back and forth describing the motion of a handsaw. Finally the guy on the ground started nodding his head like he understood and dropped his pants and started to jerk off. The guy on the third floor got pissed off and ran down to the ground and started yelling at this guy "you idiot, I was trying to tell you I needed a handsaw." The other guy replied, "I know, I was trying to tell you that I was coming!"
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Funnythings 3
1.) A man 80 years of age married a young lady. A year later he carried her to the hospital and she had a baby. The nurse said to the man: "At your age, how do you do that?" The man answered "You just have to keep the motor running". Another year passes, and the man carries her back to the hospital, another baby. The same nurse asked the man:"You are something else, how do you do that?" He said," I told you that you just have to keep the motor running." Another year and back to the hospital for another baby. the same nuse said:" You are unbelievable how do you do that?" He said:" you gotta keep the motor running." She answered:"well you better change the oil because this one came out black!!
2.)A man went to a strip club. When he got inside he noticed a seat conspicuously unoccupied in the front row. Seizing the opportunity, he took the seat. As soon as the first dancer walked out, the guy directly behind him yelled " YEAH BABY! that's what I've been waiting for!!" The man in the front row tuned around and gave him a dirty look. Afew minutes into the show, the dancer did a move and snatched off her top, revealing two pasties. the guy behind our friend goes off again. "YEAH BABY! SHAKE THOSE THINGS!!" our friend turned around and said,"Hey buddy shut the hell up will ya!" A few minutes later the dancer stretched out on the floor and snatched off the pasties and the g-string, and the whole club went wild except for the man behind our friend. Curious our friend turned around and asked, "Hey buddy, where's your're enthusiasm now?" The guy responded, "It's all over your back dude!!"
3.) A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands directly next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his haircut, eating a snack cake. The barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your twinkie." She says," I know, I'm gonna get get boobs too!"
4.)Q.: How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
A.: It's not hard
2.)A man went to a strip club. When he got inside he noticed a seat conspicuously unoccupied in the front row. Seizing the opportunity, he took the seat. As soon as the first dancer walked out, the guy directly behind him yelled " YEAH BABY! that's what I've been waiting for!!" The man in the front row tuned around and gave him a dirty look. Afew minutes into the show, the dancer did a move and snatched off her top, revealing two pasties. the guy behind our friend goes off again. "YEAH BABY! SHAKE THOSE THINGS!!" our friend turned around and said,"Hey buddy shut the hell up will ya!" A few minutes later the dancer stretched out on the floor and snatched off the pasties and the g-string, and the whole club went wild except for the man behind our friend. Curious our friend turned around and asked, "Hey buddy, where's your're enthusiasm now?" The guy responded, "It's all over your back dude!!"
3.) A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands directly next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his haircut, eating a snack cake. The barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your twinkie." She says," I know, I'm gonna get get boobs too!"
4.)Q.: How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
A.: It's not hard
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